I suck at bloggin already

I've been thinking lately about how I use to blog on a fairly regular basis back in high school on a little known website called LiveJournal (remember!?) and how I need to start doing that again... Then I remembered that I had set this blog up last year so I could update every one on my Comic Con adventure.... look how well that turned out. So I suck at blogging already.

I'm gunna try again though.

Getting out my feelings might help me cope with my newly diagnosed depression. I use to roll my eyes at people who told me they were depressed. I would judge them and think, "oh brother, they're just feeling sorry for themselves and they want me to feel sorry for them too." But now I know what it feels like and I feel quilty for thinking that way towards my friends. I, like most people, thought that they should just "snap out of it" because their life isn't that bad... but depression is so much more than that. For no real reason one can be depressed. I get mad at myself all the time now because I feel like I have no right to feel this way. There are people out there who are starving, who are sick, who are dying and I'm altogether living the high life compared to them. But no matter how hard I try I can't stop feeling this way.

I didn't know what was wrong with me because the changes have been slow. I finally realized something was definitely wrong a few weeks ago when I could not stop crying. Sometimes I would just be sitting on the couch or driving somewhere, not thinking about anything in particular, when all of a sudden I would burst into tears. I would cry for about 10 minutes and then stop. This has happened on and off for the past 3 weeks. I also have no motivation to do anything anymore. I use to clean my apartment on my days off and now I only clean a tiny bit at a time once it's finally built up too much to get anything done. I sleep A LOT. Just the other day I took 3 naps! I don't get excited about anything...beacuse there is nothing to get excited about. I just live this horribly mundane life of sleeping, eating, tv watching, and working at a job I hate.

I need something drastic to happen in my life. I need to go somewhere or do something absolutely insane.... but I can't think of what. The things I can think of cost money and I only have $100 to my name.



I'm not writing this blog for anyone to really read. I'm just writing to get my thoughts out of my head.